i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
