I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
