so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
