Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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