Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
