those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
