What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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