$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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