Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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