I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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