btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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