he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
