Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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