last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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