He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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