Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
