His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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