Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
