let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
