I'm going to jail i love you
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
