she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
