Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He felt like a one man threesome
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
