If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
