I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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