I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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