i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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