He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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