Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
