You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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