went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
