I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
