You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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