He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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