Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
