I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
