Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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