I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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