Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
