Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
