I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
