I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I party with great urgency now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
