What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
