I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
