if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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