It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize