i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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