hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
