It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
