Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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