I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
