when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
