I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
