Betty ford says i'm here all night
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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