dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
