i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize