got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
