coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
