Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
