im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
