i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
