Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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