at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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