i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
