Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
