I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
