Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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