You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
